i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize