Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
COCAINE IS GR8
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
