why im i the only drunk person in the library?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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