I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
