She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
