Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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