Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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