youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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