I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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