If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
