come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
