I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
