is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
