why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
