you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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