so that wasnt chicken after all
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
