like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
why is half of my head shaved?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
