why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
