she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
