How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize