after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
