I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
