I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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