Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
