I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
