His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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