I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
