i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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