I faked an abortion last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
