Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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