And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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