saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
