Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
