trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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