Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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