I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
