I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
