I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
