drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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