my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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