and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
