Don't you send me to vm
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
