Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
