none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize