So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize