if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
