And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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