She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
