Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
