Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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