so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
