Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
