I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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