I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
