she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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