I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
