So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
