I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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