She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm always down for nudity.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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