tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
