i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
