I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're like the curious george of whores
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
