So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
