An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
