Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize