Define "chronic" masturbator.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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