I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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