Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well you can't waste a boner
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
