If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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