I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
