but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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