I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
