Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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