This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
