Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
