I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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