We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
