i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
