My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
