I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
