People in love make me want to vomit
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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