you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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