Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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