I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize