The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
