I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and she was petting her beer can
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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