You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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