the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
