You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
