So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
