I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's the barista slut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
