I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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