highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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