I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
