She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
