and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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