why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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