The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
