i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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