So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
