Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
