my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
