THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
