mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
