I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need to align my fucking chakras
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
