I cockslap morals
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize