I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
